Sunday, December 30, 2007

Trudging the Road

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany. That is why I am in such exquisite agony. --Tom Lehrer

I sit at home, lost in a maze of conflicting thoughts. I watched so much of my world open up, so much of my dreams come forth brimming with outrageous levels of possibility. Here I am, days into my third week since my girlfriend of four years told me to leave her life. Fun in four years, and four trips across the globe filled my mind with dreams. I had so many thoughts trap my brain, left it reeling on the day I was told, “Keith, I think our relationship has run its course.”

I never thought such a thing could have happened so quickly, and with so little explanation, and yet I know in my heart that a woman I planned on spending my life had held several cards back. Now, almost vengeful, she had closed a door on me, called me terrible things, and refused any further communications from me.

What has been the result is beyond my greatest imagination. I am working harder and waking earlier than ever. Instead of stewing in sardonic reflection, I am facing each day hopeful, and full of life. Altogether, I am rising up, a little excited about all the promises I made to her, I can now make to myself. I am already making more money at a time when my employer has cut back my hours. I am spending more time in activities of learning, and promoting personal development than ever before.

I am now welcoming changes which will bring me great economic gains in the coming two years than I made in the past ten years. Life is blossoming for me now, and I understand the response I received when I told my coworker that “she” dumped me. He looked at me, and a smile broke out on his face as he exploded, “Alright man! Now you are free!”

What are the implications of this freedom?

I get to see the world with a new set of eyes. I see how my life can grow beyond

Any plans I had made for myself in the past four years. I sit with my iPod, listening ton people interested in making positive change in the world. I type poetry, and journal pages daily. I see how much work I can get done now….. It is kind of like the constructive outgrowths of quitting smoking.

I already quit smoking, so I now have to focus on all those things that froze in the past four years. I have wanted to go to school. I have wanted to make money, and I have wanted to become a more productive member of society. God has opened the door. Now I am driven to walk on through.

Earlier, I saw how for me it starts with blood. In my diet rebuild, I have seen how much my life revolves around rebuilding my blood. My dream is building off understanding the design of my blood. Crossing paths with my favorite barista, we broke out in a caffeine enhanced discussion of blood composition. With my new changes in my life, my blood is looking different.

I know what a free radical is. I know more than I did twenty years ago when I believed a free radical was a reference to Jerry Rubin or Abby Hoffman. Understanding that we rely on oxygen to live is amazing, especially since oxygen is one of the most destructive substances on the planet.

I know the reason I take antioxidants comes from the fact that oxygen damages my body, in just the way it spoils olive oil, rusts metal, or corrupts paint. So, nnow my understanding of blood comes from knowing my recapture of life starts from knowing eating for pleasure is good in balance. Drinking coffee is good in balance. Sitting quiet is good in balance. Raising hell in loud protest is fine in balance. Loving people from afar is good in balance.

So, this day, I revisited a poem by Allen Ginsberg called “Why I Meditate.”

I am back to refind my quiet place, stay close to God, and find out in truth what He has planned for me. One man gave me his card, and called upon me to join him in his mission. He has traveled the world, sharing the good Word of Jesus Christ and crossed a parking lot this one day to share his message of hope with me.

Thank you for reading.

Note: I read a comment from one woman that she works on abdominals at least fifteen minute a day, three times a week. I guess I have a standard to meet.He

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Who are These guys?

I sat down at the Bad Ass Coffee Company, and as a result was able to watch as musical equipment was hauled in .... Piece by piece I watched as the equipment was assembled. The room filled slowly as the Moffs prepared to play.

I am not into louder music, but was quite entertained by their energy, their complete confidence, and the eclectic style of their playing. The crowd that gathered, chattered, and seemed to enjoy the show. The coffee ran freely, and the environment was lively....

I was pleased that one of the people in attendance was able to provide me with the clip I have here.

the moffs!

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Friday, December 28, 2007

Looking to the Future

I am excited about my results from this first week of my new supplementation regimen. With some newly acquired ideas about health, I am pursuing my eating and living style with more consciousness. I am thrilled with the immediate, short-term benefits of the changes I have made.

In the months past, I have seen many health problems that were challenging my relatives. I have seen how I am living, and know I cannot afford to move forward in this fashion anymore. It is dangerous for me to assume that I know what differences in my life are relevant, and which are not. I am not here to pretend that I know enough about my life, and the lives of my family to say that as problems emerge in my cousins, aunts, uncles or parents in their seventies would mean that I have any guarantee of another forty years without problems.

I know my world is vastly more different than the world in which my aunts and uncles were raised. I have read that I have more chemicals in my body that were not part of the lives of those a generation ago. Each person I think of , facing heart problems, diabetes, or cancer have helped me to see how my life choices could no longer be based on the ideas of a decade agoi, when I was in my twenties, my body still running off this elevated metabolism, and the signs of wear on my body tissues virtually nonexistent.

When I crossed the road in 1994, on my bike, only to have a Bronco 2 crash into me, and left me on crutches -with a virtually indiscernible tibial plateau fracture- the one question the doctors in charge of my rehabilitation asked was “how old are you?”

With intimate knowledge of growth patterns, bone growth, and development patterns, the doctors determined that I was barely young enough to work a surgery on my leg that has helped keep me walking fine for the past twelve years. I have encountered other neurological problems that have interfered with my walking, but, to the credit of my bone doctors, I still have great knees.

In the week past, I have seen my energy levels increase, as well as a marked drop in my sleep time. I awake bright and early, refreshed, and ready to face the day.

I knew the lie I live under would come to the forefront, as I consume cheeseburgers, knowing in my heart that I would need no more cholesterol to embolden my neurological health. Let me explain further. Cholesterol comes to a head in one’s life when you realize that like everything in our lives there is a positive application for it. Cholesterol is a key ingredient in the development of neurological maintenance. Myelin, the sheath that protects my every neuron, is built out of one ingredient found in cheeseburgers, and produced amply by most people’s livers, cholesterol.

In my daily maintenance, I am now claiming my accountability for my own health. Lecithin is a wonderful part of my regimen … Aside from being the emulsifier that makes Hollandaise sauce so delightful, it also has the side effect of clearing out the arteries of many folk, and also is produced in people’s bodies when they consume fatty foods.

So, with my lecithin, my vitamin C, my bottle of phospholipids (brain health), and my antioxidant complex, I am enjoying the start of a new health.

Thank you for reading.


Sunday, December 23, 2007


Ohhh, death of my wifi card causes me great sorrow!

I am in a library, and pondering when I will find an updated computer without these sorts of failures. I am in the second day of my diet regimin, and I am pleased to say, I am already feeling freer. My energy level has risen, and I am reading much good informatiion on antioxidants as well as my lecithin regimin.

Computers can be a headache, but no worry, I wilol stay online by any means necessary.

I will also find the time tom come in here, and clean up my typographical errors. Thank you for reading.


Saturday, December 22, 2007

Daring To Be Stupid....One Day at a Time

I am aware that as each day passes I am haunted by the rewalization I work in a health food store, only to get off work to eat fried foods, and go home tired and uninspired. Finally, I have seen the wonderful resource that is here in our Orchard Nutrition Center. I have read many of the articles we have on the subject of health, and I have decided it is time to take action.

With weach moment of calculation I get to see why, with all the analysis I have read, I see why we eventually need to stop analyzing. Studies only beget more studies. I have seen the man that serched for the last turtle upon which our precious planet rests. I have also seen how many people waste countless hours studying contradictions from equally reputable researchers. My life is worth more than that.

So, as the day progresses, I place in this thought a commitment. I am committed to living up to the potential God has given me. My health is already improving. I am faced with a dragging leg, but aside, I am, now biking more'n I had in a long time.

So, yesterday, I bought a bag of lentils, a bag of lecithin, some antioxident complex, and vitamin C. God knbows the value of vitamin C, but just in honor of Linus Pauling, I will give it a shot. I am in a realm that moves on with varying degrees of anecdotal evidence, and every man is an expert. Knowing the values- some reputed, and some documented- of vitamins, minerals, teas, and herbal cures, is a challenge. But with research, and a faithful heart, I am able to trudge forward in this exciting world.

I beg of anyone that reads, anyone that supports.... lend your heart, lend your encouragement. It is in this way we all grow. Encouragement comes from the french word couer (heart). So, when I encourage anyone I am giving heart. Likewise, if I discourage anyone, I am taking it away.

As a part of my personal renewal, though, I am offering my own exercise program. Being Catholic, I am doing a series of stomach exercises, packaged soon on my own video collection, called the Ab-Solution. Abdominal work my be my most daunting, most exciting effort to date. One step at a time..

I thank you for reading.


Friday, December 21, 2007


I have beenn working with my friends at ad Ass Coffee Company to bring in a year of monthly open microphone nights. Open mic -as they are called- are fun, and so many people get to transcend their anxiety, or even display their anxiety proudly, as they sing their music, read their poetry, play music, while hordes of peop-le drink caffeinated beverages, and applaud.

My vision is that the Bad Ass Coffee Company will host one of these every week, and I will see people storm the door here every week, like the open mic nights I remember from San Jose.

It is a beautiful morning. Here in Redding, California, the chill penetrated my jacket, and off in the distance, I could see the sun creeping over the hill. I am grateful for the cold. It wakes me up in a special way, and then I get to enjoy my chai latte as the spicy concoction warms my insides.

That is all I have to report for now.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The drowning man

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I found this way of judging, it’s just arbitrary and it’s not based on anything except what I think. I call it judging warriors. It’s who are warriors and who our heroes really are. Because you need some criteria to judge the people who you are listening to or that you love or that you hate, I've come up with this thing that I call “shit floats and cream rises.” Shit floats is Jerry Rubin. Cream rises is Abbie Hoffman. Shit floats is Tom Wolfe. Cream rises is Hunter Thompson. Shit floats is Madonna. Cream rises is Joan Baez. Shit floats is Eddie Murphy. Cream rises is Richard Pryor. Eddie Murphy has a long way to go before he will become a warrior. Shit floats is Billy Crystal. Cream rises is Jonathon Winters. These are revolutionaries. If you watch these people long enough you know which guy is a warrior and how much they’re dedicated to that really secret place in ourselves that wants to be a warrior. Not to be a soldier. A soldier fights for the government. A warrior is like a samurai—he fights for the people.

The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer—they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.

—Ken Kesey (1935-2001)

I remember seeing Ken Kesey in 1993, as he spoke to us at San Jose State University. He spoke to us of being a warrior. Today, many years later, I am able to see that many of the people listed above have made changes, perhaps some have attempted to make changes, but still the lesson in the above quote is one I have to take to heart for myself. Indeed, the people Kesey named will all be regarded differently by the public. I would not evaluate his individual determinations. I can only say I must ask myself daily is this a standard upon which to challenge myself. Am I trying to find an answer, or am I seeking out the mystery?

I awoke today from a dream of drowning. Standing at the edge of this huge swimming pool, I saw the waters were brown, the water was dirty, and I dove in. I think it fascinating that in this dream, there was someone sitting at the siude of the pool watching. People falling, standing naked, people attacked by animals are all dreams where people describe feelings of hopelessness, fear, uncertainty. I have no idea what I get from having such a dream.

I know I never have such dreams, not that I remember, but as I recall, I sat in the water, sinking, and I felt my weight lost in the sludge of the water, and I struggled to climb back up without drowning. It is a wondrous experience to have dreams of such vibrancy. In the analysis of such a thing, I remember how Jung said that a man must learn all he can about dream analysis, and then forget it all. Remembering these sleeping visions are satisfying enough for now.

I guess I would say to mention such a dream would seem cliché. The suggestion of drowning is so overanalyzed, so over talked, I would do better to keep it to myself. At least, when one is attacked by sharks, there is a satisfaction on the part of the readers that there be the element of carnage, living chum, savagery. Drowning itself, only entails a sense of hopelessness, terror. It does not have the hold that would capture an audience, so without any more discussion on that I will change the scene.

I woke up today, and showered, satisfied that I would have a great day ahead. In all I experience, I crave closure on things that cause me pain. I long to see positive changes, and I realize, from the quote above, that closure can actually be the noose around my neck. A critical balance must always be struck, through prayer and meditation, to find out which things truly need closure, and which need to stay open.

Of course, when pain inhibits a person, inhibits me, from living life at its fullest, then I have to close issues in my life. I am learning that as I place closure on parts of my life, I am seeing new wonders open, and new excitement welling in my heart. It is a true blessing to be alive at a time like this.

Thank you for reading.


You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
-Maya Angelou (1978)