I was reflecting on my statement that I would have the whole world as my accountability group. I, of course, say that tongue in cheek. But I know, with the exception of my closest family and friends, no one really holds me accountable for anything... Clever stunt. I can act like I am being all honest, all proactive. But, when I get a text message this morning asking me if I was ready to go to the doctors again... well I knew I was falling behind in my resolve.
I said, you know, going to the doctor is not all that important. I have had these problems a long time. I said, it is no big deal. I said, everything happens in God's good time... Just read my last post for clarity on that one. I get afraid, and one of the things I do not like, is seeing doctors without medical insurance, without knowing what is wrong (am I crazy?), and without knowing how long it will take to get me back to reasonably full function.
In the past months I have lost hours on my weekly schedule due to my reduced production. It is amazing how easy it is to ignore such things even when my income is reduced to ridiculously low levels.
So, I hopped on the next bus, got in with the social worker, and will be with a doctor Monday morning... He will have my lab work in hand, and we can see where I have to go from there.
As for pressing issues:
If walking had not deteriorated I would not see this as pressing. I am thinking about my visualization, how I am staying optimistic, how I am moving in the right directions.
I told my friend, who admonished me this morning for not being at the doctor's office, that I fell from a stopped position on my bike, almost rolling under the wheel of a big white pickup. The driver, a man with lightening reflexes swerved to avoid me. So, my body is indeed a pressing issue in need of immediate attention.
I will not be so foolish as to suggest otherwise. The driver, a painter named Ezra, was quite content to throw my bike in his truck, and get me to my destination.... I would say that as embarrassed as I am to admit these things, I have to know that the world is full of good people, and I am truly blessed to be alive.
Thank you for reading.