Monday, June 16, 2008

Stomach Acid, Forgiveness, and Recovery

Forgiveness as a practice is taught by all the major religious traditions of
the world. These diverse doctrines all claim that forgiveness can help heal
relationships, soothe painful emotions, and serve as an example of the
religious life. The importance of practicing forgiveness has been extolled
for centuries, but only in the past ten years has research demonstrated that
forgiveness promotes physical and mental health. Specifically, our research
has shown that interpersonal forgiveness can lead to decreased depression,and
through blood pressure, stress, and hurt; increased hope, physical vitality,
and self-confidence; and, most important, reduced anger. In this course we
will explore forgiveness from a biological, psychological, and social
perspective. We will reflect upon the need for forgiveness in our own lives,
and through guided practice, work with one of the few forgiveness
methodologies that has been successfully subjected to scientific examination.

My name is Keith, and I am a vitriolic. I am here to claim my powerlessness over vitrioles in my life. My life, encumbered by the weight of my growing cynicism, and the darkness of my addiction. I started using oxygen at an early age. I started sneaking breaths as far back as 1970, and my desire to claim, to use, indulge in oxygen to satisfy my cravings became overwhelming.

Oxygen, I know, is not the heart of my addiction. My life of indulgence culminates in this plague of righteousness that fills my soul on a regular basis. It is not for me to deal out judgement. It is not for me to see what is righjt or wrong in this world. I am addicted to vitrioles. I am addicted to the burn, the bite. I feel a surge in the way oxygen rots paint jobs, the way it makes my olive oil rancid. My love of oxygen comes from the enormity of its power.

How much iron oxide was produced in the over nine decades since the Titanic went under water? What decay, what transformation took place in the bodies of the many hundreds of bodies that sank with the ship? I know there was a moment. I feel a vitriole coming on. I think that I am not the only one that watched the 1996 Titanic film, with our blood oxygenating in our lungs, and feeling quickened during those moments in which Rose calls out to Jack.

Her hands held his, as she calls out, him getting weaker in the frigid water, as she says, "Jack. Jack... I will never let go. I will never let go." Who else, besides me, felt a niacin flush, skin blazing hot as Rose looks into Jack's eyes, one last time, and ...

Well, she lets go. I saw the director's cut of Titanic, and I saw the camera cut to Rose, her hand going limp, and Jack Dawson( Di Capprio) sinking below the water. In that one soft, tender moment she looks at her lover, sinking to his death, as she whispers inaudibly "It must suck being you."

So, here I am, early in my acid recovery. I am just learning the basics of the twelve steps. I am admitting my powerlessness. I see the draw of the vitrioles. Righteous anger has no more place in my heart. So, with me striving to achieve a more reasonable pH -in my body, mind and soul- I strive to listen to my customers. I work in health food store, as one man walked up to me, and said with complete conviction, "All these dried foods are acid, all of them." I felt a moment of quiet reflection, tried to release myself from the enticement, the excitement of the thought, and knew temptation was at hand.

I went to the bathroom, rinsed my mouth with baking soda, washed my hands in a good alkaline soap, and resolved to trust God, a little more. Just for today.

Thank you for reading.

As an aside, I want to say I have not yet heard from my doctor. I do have to check my voice mail when I get home. But , also good news, for those knowing I am going to school, I have an appointment to go to see about my financial aid application in the college tomorrow.


obscurio said...

Hi Keithy Baby,

Why did I see myself sinking as Rose says, 'It must suck to be you.'

A very entertaining post my vitrioligious friend.

Mariposa said...

A very interesting read! I'd always say and I'd love to believe I have the gift of forgiveness...because I can forgive anyone just about anything and yes, I forget too...and sometimes, they say to a fault! Yet, I love it that I pray for strength to forgive people, things, circumstance and myself... But, I'm no saint...I can be temperamental and you don't want to be around when I'm mad. My anger eats me from the inside...I'm still in the process of taming it right far, everything seems good. :)

And maybe not hearing from your doctor is a good news already!

Sending you happy happy thoughts!

faeryrowan said...

Awww...really? I must be one lousy softie for being so easy at forgiving and forgetting other people's faults, even though I can be too hard on myself (it just doesn't show...much). But yes, all it takes is self-control, Keith. You can do it...with the help of the Mighty One up there (and a little baking soda on the side).

And I agree with Mariposa, maybe not hearing from your doctor is a good sign. Take care!

Allen's Darling said...

hi keith

thanks for dropping a note in my page you have very interesting post here,its easy to forgive but hard to forget.Nice posts.

Keith said...

FaeryRowan, Mariposa, Allen's Darling, I am amazed at how people come into my posts, and instantly look past my facades.

When posting, I was certain, many would look at the acerbic pretext, and scarcely note the little paragraph in the beginning...

Indeed, maybe for me, it really can be easy to forgive... and in time, forget, the frailties of others.... Sigh.

I was striving for a little levity here.

Herein I relinquish control!~

keith said...

Thanks keith. we have the saem name. Hehehe! See you n socialspark, goddluck and godbless.

Amor said...

Hello Keith thanks for visiting my blog,as always you have an interesting and funny post at the same time.For me,it's better to forgive and forget,it will bring you a light feeling and less burden.

Hope you are recovering well now.

elezend said...

my dad has higher acidity in his body too and he avoids soy products because it will um.. increase the acidity?!

He didn't rinse using soda.. he drinks them when he remembers to

-barefoot alchemist- said...

hi keith!

tnx 4 taking tym in droping by my post. very interesting posts you have hir.... kip on shedding the light of forgiveness, its better that why, but nver forget. (winks)

Avee said...

hi there thanks for coming across into my blog. I always forgive but sometimes not easy.

towr said...

Forgiveness gives us peace and happiness. However, sometimes it took -time- for me to forget everything!

Take care and God bless!

Santa Cruz Nick said...

Forgiveness is important, though I have to admit it doesn't always come easy to me. Sometimes I feel I have to work through the pain and the anger in order to understand the problem and reach peace of mind. Writing can also achieve the same thing for me, just typing up this post has been very therapeutic, Maybe I'll stop cussing out and hurling garbage at the tourists that walk by my building.
Hope it's all good with the CT scan, no news is good news.

divawearsnada said...

I'm neither good at forgiveness, and like acid that gnaws through fragile bodies, it can eat up even the most kind-hearted of people at times.

But we need to forgive if we must stay afloat. Otherwise, we might end up like Jack - sinking deep in our own pains - and the other Rose's in the world would look at us and say "It must suck to be you."

My said...

I am not familiar with that kind of addiction of yours, Keith. But I hope it's not giving you health complications.

Your doctor must not be in a hurry to give the news to you. :-)

Chobits said...

Hi Keith,

I am glad that you know many interesting bloggers through my blog. ^^

Your post is always complicated, i wish i learn english more so that i can understand more. I need to check dictionary for almost every word you typed, haha~ >.<

How's your health condition now? Take good care of yourself ok. Happy schooling.

Akira 思胜 said...

Hi there!

I saw your names very frequent in my friends' blogs, so came here and visited you...

Nice to see ya!

My said...

Hi Keith, I was so serious when I read your post. I didn't realize the humor in it. :-) Maayong gabii!

LalaZee said...

Forgiveness is something I don't quite easily practice, as I've always subscribed to Hammurabi's code "an eye for an eye". Makes life more interesting.

And no, ya can't have load. LOL!