Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I am sitting here, in Redding, California, and am thinking how quickly all this stuff I write about will pass by, insignificant footnotes to my two years of life in grocer's Purgatory. My purgation is coming to its end. I have a my nervous system wired from caffeine, from indecision, from patterns of procrastination, blossoming into varying packets of anxiety and industry.
I have started my journey now into academia, and after retrieving my transcripts from Mission College in Santa Clara. I spent the morning looking at my history fifteen to twenty years ago. I looked at my mix of academic, and cooking classes. I saw a mess of dropped classes. I saw classes passed I can't remember taking. I saw classes I almost failed that demanded nothing from me. Had I exchanged youthful exuberance for my unfashionable melancholy, I would have soared through that process with accolades galore.
Well, my counselor was not interested in my emotional states during the 1990's. She sat with my official transcripts (unofficial if envelope is opened). she photocopied them so I could read them. Then with an eagle eye and a ball point pen, she found a check list, reiterated my stated goals to me, and checked off everything I had accomplished to meet that end.
Who could have told me that that time, time I felt wasted in self-obsessed angst, had resulted in anything to further my goals, and assure my future well-being? She looked at me, and as I tried to stop her, showed me that I needed only four classes to transfer to a four year college. My stated major would be English, with an emphasis on teaching.
The resistance i had was in knowing that this process was moving so fast I was not sure how to manage. One day at a time say my friends in various types of 12-step recovery. I have to calm down, and remember the next indicated action.
In the next semester i will finish my requirements for transfer to a state college. I will have to apply this month to make that happen, and in the time after Christmas, prepare to move to the city in which I will continue my education. Ooooohhhh... How do I manage, day by day? Answer: one day at a time.
I am not oblivious to what I want to do. This is an exciting journey. I hope to relax a bit, though. So, the word for the day is : Decaf!
Thank you for reading!