Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Hari ini yang istimewa (This is a special day)
Today is a special day. I am seeing my efforts to move on in school bear fruit. I just received my first envelope from Chico State saying they need more information from me in\ order for me to be a student there. I am thrilled at this. I have no idea where this path should lead me. I do know that I am anxiously waiting for change often blind to the changes occurring all around me.
Starting a year ago, December, I trashed, and nrestarted this blog. I started it with crazy ideas, with anger, with a transparent bad attitude,a dn I still ended up making many friends online. I am thrilled to say that I continue to write often.. I am not as pleased with some developments in my life, but the world always changes in relation to my focus.
So, where is my focus today?
I am set on a plan to finish my bachelor's degree. I want to teach. I want a future now where I can say I have escaped the mess that has evolved from living in service work for the past twenty years. Maybe my health problems were necessary to m ake this evolution come about. I have a chance to move into a world where my work will no longer be contingent on the functionality of my body.
I am with the support of family and friends able to address problems I have had, and largely ignored for close to two years now. My walking ability has declined to where I was falling down regularly. Now, though I am walking with a cane, I have the comfort of knowing my family and fridends are behind me.
It is not that I would ever doubt their support, but as I shared more about my life with them, I saw how willing, how eager people were to help me. Sadly, arranging to see a neurologist has been a challenge. I need to see one if I am ever to move ahead knowing at long last what my diagnosis is. Strange it is that look on people's eyes when th]ey ask me what my problem is, and I tell them “I do not know”
So, today I see how my regular sharing has evolved my mind. I see how this sharing has facilitated my healing. I see how I have become more proactive in the seeking out of answers. Likewise I am able to feel the excitement of being willing to travel again. I wanted to stay angry in 2008. I now know that anger has damaged my body and spirit.
On January 21, 2008, I crossed the blog of a beautiful soul. That is a special thing for me. That person spoke to me this morning, and has shared with me much in the last three hundred sixty-five days. This day I get to see how much of my irrational anger has subsided through the help of people like you reading me today. I see how much of my healing has come through my interactions with people who -through this portal- has chosen to enter my life.
Many of you have told me to take care of myself. Some even told me to listen to my mother. I received comments from readers who told me to grow up. I have shared with many who said my writing seems a confused jumble, and many who told me they have enjoyed joining me in this journey.
I listened to comments of numerous people who wondered if I woulkd ever get baround to doing the things I said I would. This has been a fine year.
Thank you for reading