Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Prayers, Mysteries, and Hope


I began my day with a prayer. Many years ago I read that upon awakening I should think about the day ahead, that I should consider my plans for the day, and with this reflection, I should pray. The prayer is that I should ask God to free me from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Of all the prayers I have been offered, I think this one is so very valuable. In the eighteen years since I was given this instruction, I have only now began to say with discipline the prayer.

Perhaps that is a point on which I might gather some piece of humility. I can awake, proud, content with the righteousness of my actions, and secure in the thought I am giving back as much as I am receiving. I learn a lot about myself when I am "too busy" to say the prayer. Maybe I have a vested interest in cultivating my self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives. That vested interest comes from my own overwhelming selfishness. By asking that these traits be removed, I become willing to see the promise in living more honestly, and less self absorbed.

Ironically, I think it is my selfishness and self-pity that I have not written in my blog for around six months. I have become disappointed in the progress of my physical problems, and was not maintaining my excitement for life. Maintaining excitement can be a choice, and trying to find excuses to write seemed pointless. So, today I am writing, and I hope to continue sharing honestly about my world

When I began this blog in its current form almost wo years ago, I quoted Ken Kesey's discussion on warriors. He wrote:

" The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer—they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer."

So, today I am still in a wheelchair. I have a person that comes and helps me with my home concerns. I have seen a picture of my spine, and saw the point where my spine is constricted, limiting the function in my hands and legs. In less than two weeks, gifted neurologists will replace a disc in my neck, in hopes of taking pressure off my nerves. What can I expect?

The doctors cannot say. They will not say. No promises have been made, and thius time becomes even more exciting. I am content not knowing. Still, the idea, the hope that some 0f my nerve function may be restored, is very exciting!

So this is where we can cultivate our mystery. Today we can open doors, and leave them open. Let us wait, and see what comes through .

13 comments:

lachlan-molly said...

I, too, use "busyness" as an excuse to not nurture spirituality, health, and sometimes even to not nurture my own children. And tragic though this sounds, I then make it worse: I subconsciously use my "busyness" and hard work as an excuse to enable self-pity and comfort-seeking behaviors that come to mind. You are certainly not alone, brother. "Again, traveler, you have come a long way, led by that star, but the Kingdom of the Wish lies still at the OTHER end of the night. May you fare well, comanero. Let us travel together, joyfully! Living on catastrophe! Eating the pure light!" Stafford

Anonymous said...

=)

limzhi

fredericka said...

Fredericka likes this!(thumb up)
Oops...it's not in facebook ya?!hehe...

ev said...

Keith,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here..you just don't know how much it inspires people like me in a way. They say that happiness is a choice..whether we are in an odd condition or not, if we choose to take things in positive ways, still I believe we can invite positive things in life.

Wow!I like the quote. Just keep going Keith..we all are in one race, regardless of how life may lead us.:)

Keith said...

Lachlan-molly, I have great joy when you share. I miss you guys

LimZhi, how strange yo=u would list yerself as "Anonymous"

Rickaku, telling me you like my post, or ofering a th9umbs up is acceptable here, too. NOot just in Facebook. :-)

Ev, we are all looking to rise up. I am grateful to those who remind me to= think, remind me to smile, remind me to work. Still always, I remember that somedays I am more inspirethan others. Remembering prrrayer and meditation helps

Santa Cruz Nick said...

Good post, Keith, self pity and selfishness can be real defeating, and taking them head on takes courage, one day at a time, one battle at a time. I hope very much that the surgery is successful.
Take care, dude.

Bengbeng said...

Ken Kesey's discussion on warriors- gives me much food for thought.. in fact i have been thinking abt it since I visited yr blog earlier today.

i believe in karma... something which u might not fully comprehend... i also believe in impermanence....

about yr present physical condition, why not try out meditation.. it might make you feel loads better?

Regards : Bengbeng

BlogusVox said...

I hope things will be okay, Keith. And yes, blogging and writing about what you experience and feel, in some way, have a therapeutic effect. Good luck.

iamlz said...

Keith, I left that comment from a public computer. Wouldn't want to sign in through a public comp ;)

Keith said...

Bengbeng, you said you believe in impermanence, but I believe that will change. :-) I think to the degree that I believe in God, I believe that the universe hase an accounting system. In that I accept karma. I spoke of prayer, but I always have meditation in addition.
Thank you so much for coming to my blog

Keith said...

Blogusvox, your thoughts are always welcome on my page. Thank yoy

Keith said...

L+imZhi, terima kasih. I appreciate ther explanation

lynne said...

Dear Keith...I will be praying for your speedy recovery and the best possible outcome from your surgery...God Bless you from Lynne and the other Keith