Sunday, October 23, 2011

My Best Haircut, Yet


So today, I have to believe that there is something wonderful, something special, about being alive. I mean here we are, on the twenty-third of October, two days after the world was slated to end (according to the great pastor Harold" I misread my PDA" Camping). The very fact that I can go out and get my haircut is a special thing, indeed.

I will not cry over the lack of recognition-recognition that I am owed- from my ability to predict things. I have precognitive ability that is truly amazing. Year in and year out, day in and day out, I make predictions that come true. Unlike pastor Harold, I have predicted the world not ending, over and over again. I have been right every single time! That's why I feel little sad.

I have not gotten on any talk shows. I do not have a parish. Despite my desire to minister to the masses, I have no flock to which I can preach my good news. Still, I do not cry.


I went and got my haircut today. Feeling the sun in my face,the wind in my hair, as well as a growing warmth of gratitude that builds in my chest, I went out to Walmart, and watched people. Just like you, my readers, they didn't see me for the genius that I possess, and they don't know that when they woke up on October 21 that by me it was predicted, successfully, the day would go on normally.

So today, I felt imbued with this opportunistic spirit. I went and bought something, and I got myself some cash back. I went out, and got my haircut.

The lady who cut my hair didn't know how special it was that the sun came up today. She also wasn't letting on the fact that standing above me, as many people do, she was privy to information that I just didn't have. Scientists, doctors, geologic hipsters that groove off of scientific magazines, the kind of people that understand what's going on with the ozone layer all know what is happening above. In my life we've gotten reports from the news community about what was being said, from the scientific community, about the discoveries to a mate regarding the enormous growth of the hole in the ozone layer.

For me, to have this woman with her big m mirror, walking around my body, after completing was a perfectly acceptable haircut, threw me for a loop. I have to stare at that mirror in shock and dismay as I realized that that whole that into space of useless follicles, fallen into disuse, has become enormous. For years I've watched these growing spaces, these widows peaks, creeping their way up my forehead. I really did not know what happened on top.

Trying not to overreact, I pointed to my God made tonsure, and yelled," what did you do up here!" She smiled, took my money, and sent me on my way. I suppose this day went well enough. Celebrating my newfound life, enjoying another day free from rapture, I can stay grateful. The reality is I don't believe anyone can predict the future. I do not believe in psychic phenomena, I'm not a big fan of divination, and if your a Bible reader how could you ignore that passage that says" you will not know the day or the time" of Jesus's return?

So today, I celebrate a new day. I can enjoy my haircut, and I look forward to reading about more predictions about the imminent demise of planet Earth.

Thank you for reading.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Age has left it's mark all over my body. And yet I too am grateful. To have lived this long. Thank you for bringing a smile to my day Keith!!

Keith said...

unlike all the things that I cannot predict, I do have the ability to listen to people when they tell me what can and will happen to my body over time. People in my family, possessed of the same genes, the same DNA, have given me all kinds of information about these things. Yet I still surprise when I turn around, in find out that something new h
as happened

Chrissy said...

Great post and an even greater hairs cuts.

Santa Cruz Nick said...

I thought the end of the world was supposed to be the winter solstice of 2012, I can't keep track of this stuff anymore.
Nice haircut, looks sharp with the goatee, kind of like Danny Bonaduce.

Keith said...

Nick, the great pastor Harold Camping is nnot a Mayan. His info was straight from the Bible...
I think Bonaducce is pretty cool