Thursday, April 19, 2012

Another Day Closer

"I found your nose today.  It was stuck in my business again."--Spotted on a T-shirt on the 25 bus in Willow Glen, San Jose

Everything I have to move in preparation for Saturday needs minimal organization, and will fit in just a couple boxes.  For all the satisfaction I feel about moving, I am still feeling a little apprehensive.  This change will be a big one.

When a mind is strong as mine, I always imagine that based on willpower alone I could resist someone's efforts to diminish my self-confidence.  I was wrong. I have watched for the last two years as people would come here to interview to live here, and think to myself, may God help you to see your options to more clearly than I have mine.  I believe all the good food prepared here does little to compensate for the unnecessary negativity of the management here. How sad to think that I, or any adult, should Be subjected to the yammering of an idiot, puffed up over time by some unrealistic, and wholly undeserved, sense of self-importance.

Two years ago, back from my Spinal surgery unable to walk, stand, or actively transfer myself to another chair, I felt completely  incapable of effecting control over my own life. I've since been able to develop my strength, balance, and confidence to where I'm no longer as dependent on others for my daily needs. Now, I accept that as an adult I should be able to live with some small degree of privacy, and not have strange people prying amongst the minutia of my daily affairs. Last month I found application to an apartment complex, and started to prepare myself to  live as a normal human being again.

I mean this concern goes way beyond my dislike of living with other people.  Every man is certainly entitled to have opinions about his fellow man.  Even with my strictest observance of Scripture, it can be very hard for this man to avoid judging his fellow man.  I know I do my best.  But I do take note that since I decided to quit drinking alcohol twenty years ago, I had a group of people, my friends, that taught me the value of staying out of other people's concerns.  I have a vested interest in keeping my attention focused onto my business.  I suppose it is this fact that, conversely, makes me impatient or intolerant, when someone else wants to get overly involved in my life.

Fine people work with me daily to remember the peace and calm that comes from just managing my  life, my own business well.  It is with this in mind that I finally decided to leave this home, and move to a place that has a lock on the door that I can lock, and guests typicallyt will arrive here only if invited.

Tomorrow, once my family and my friends have helped me- all my clothes are hung up in the closet, and all the boxes have been unpacked- I'm quite certain to leave my home To seek out my friends. Aside from the caregivers that will be managing my home and personal needs to my precise specifications, I think I'll be quite content not inviting anyone over, perhaps for a long, long time.

With this new arrangement, I am quite excited to say that I will now be able to write my own menus, and sauté onions and garlic on a regular basis (no one here cooks with sautéed onions and garlic) and make sure that my refrigerator is stocked with a bounty of fresh vegetables and greens.  standing in my steaming frame more regularly will magnify my strength and they'll be able to go to the gym and start swimming for once.  This is going be the starting point for much more exciting existence.

Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

Santa Cruz Nick said...

Way to go on moving into your own place, Keith! Living by yourself is definitely better for peace of mind, the important thing is to have good neighbors so you don't feel so alone. Ot azoy! (That's Yiddish for 'way to go!', I learned that from a book written by a professor of mine called The Oy Way.)